Schlongologists Stunned, Keaton Un-awed

Last week, in an impromptu press conference by researchers at the Institute for Shlong Research, Head of Research Dr. Gauss Oldman announced that after extensive research they had discovered the "cool mullet." Junior researcher David Trent made the discovery earlier this year while perusing mid '80s media. "I was researching resources, such as "Dokken Live in Concert" and "MacGuyver" when I stumbled on a copy of "The Dream Team." It was there that I documented an unabashed mullet worn by Michael Keaton, and simultaneously documented a zero loss in coolness. It sounds absurd, but I actually calculated an exponential increase in coolness in proportion to a geometric increase in ferocity of Keaton's mullet.

Shlongology, a branch of anthropology that studies the development and trends of the short long, has long been considered a psuedo-science, somewhere in between witchcraft and demolition derbies. But with this new discovery the scientific community is in an uproar. Staunch mullet critics remain loyal to the principle of "total coolness impossibility," and yet no other researcher has yet to produce sufficient evidence to refute the "Keaton Phenomenon."

In interviews, Keaton trivialized the matter referring to mullets as, "a certain type of haircut," and suggesting that "if [he] felt like it, [he] might let it grow out again." With such lack of celebrity support the anti-mullet camp is in dire straits and are re-strategizing to further attack other mullet targets such as BRC and Michael Bolton. But despite their zealous anti-mullet attitude, refutation of the Keaton Phenomenon doesn't look likely in the near future.

John Stamos was contacted for comments. David Copperfield was not.