I Have The Mullet

(The Secrets of Success Behind He-man's Hair)

The eighties is undoubtedly regarded as the decade of the mullet. From the parking lot of an Iron Maiden concert to the parking lot of Dairy Queen, there were few parking lots that the mullet didn't infiltrate. The big parking lot of Eternia wasn't even immune from the uneven, tyranny of the short long. Pop sociologists have long discussed the early eighties phenomenon of cross marketing that made such cartoons as Transformers, GI Joe, and He-man enormous hits. But they have neglected the potent effect that He-man's robust haystack had on millions of impressionable youths.

Technically classified as the "Prince Caspian," He-man's hair followed a form that broke from recent mullet trends, and inspired a level of awe, and grandeur that would not be repeated until David Copperfield decided to: "Let it grow out." In a 1980 poll taken of 5-11 year olds, between the ages of 7 and 10, sixteen percent attributed He-man's super strength to his "magical sword" whereas ninety two attributed his super strength to "a bitchin' cut," (.05 percent attributed it to Punky Brewster, they were later shot.)

When asked about the decision to give He-man the Prince Caspian, then Mattel toy chief Zodak Clair responded that, "I don't think anyone expected He-man's hair to be the run-away hit that it was, we were upstairs in the "idea room" smokin' doobies with Ron Popiel like we used to do- you know just thinking up worthless crap- and when we woke the next morning there sitting next to a sketch of spray on hair, of was this drawing of He-man with a glowing 10-90. And the rest is history. We beat the Popiel out of Ron and started production on the little meat-head that day."