Mullet Haikus

The long-awaited results from the mullet literature contest are finally in. After weeks of reading and days of deliberation, the award for best mullet poetry goes to Brandy for these Haikus:

Ponder the mullet
that misunderstood hair-do
dangerous beauty!

Possessing much strengh
power at its sexiest
Business and fun

Like an lion
stalking the African veldt
were his golden waves

Pleasure is combined
with responsibility
this cut of the gods

Here are the runners-up, which lost mostly due to technicalities. For example, one of these haikus submittes by Marc and Jenny wasn’t original. One of our judges found it on an old scroll of ancient Chinese Haikus.

Shampoo stings my eyes,
I will never feel that twice:
slick hair smells like gas.

O! SQUIRREL brother,
Your tail, my hair. We are one.
Yet I must eat you.

With long hair in place
how else can I rebel? Hand
me the bong uncle.

I liked that foreign
legion movie so much, I
grew me one them hats.

Brown edged tank top sticks
to my white clumpy armpits
Somehow I get laid.

Flowing down the back
helps to keep mind closed, hate
released by short top

My hair is slammin
like Stone Cold. Can I get a Hell
yeah? Hell yeah. Hell yeah.

My slick snakeskin boots
My silk shirt with rooster prints
Always colored jeans

Metallica is
for first graders. Nothing rocks
harder than Winger.

Dogs urinate where
they so choose. And so do I.
Red and blue lights flash.

Teen runaway, I
hate my dad. Yet I am one.
Fly, thunderbird, fly.

Ponytails are for wimps.
But if you let that hair loose,
you are my brother.

You smoke me up and
jerk me off. You are the best,
and I love you, sis.

Dad likes my mullet.
The nurse calls it a critter
carpet. My head breeds.

Our final runner up is this ode by J. Sundance:

Long brown shockwaves caress your shoulders... teasing me... oh, how I wish
I was that flannel, front pocket shirt... the recipient of your mulleted
glory... the front of your hair, tantalizing, wind swept glory! I cannot
contain myself... my lips quiver, my body aches for you sweet mullet...