International Olympic Comittee Declares Official Haircut, Salt Lake City Celebrates

Salt Lake City, UT - It appears that necks will be a little warmer next winter at the 2002 Olympic Winter Games in Salt Lake City. At a press conference held in Senator Orrin Hatch's back yard yesterday morning, International Olympic Comittee officials made the exciting announcement that the Mullet will be the official haircut of the 2002 winter games.

Spokesmodel Christina Gala gave a stirring speech amidst the media frenzy stating, "We feel that there would be nothing better to fan the flame of Olympic Spirit than the flowing locks of a Mullet."

The Salt Lake Olympic Committee was especially happy. Said Tim Wilche, "The Olympics aren't about scandal or corruption, they're about Coca-Cola, McDonalds, and Mullets." Official Mullet pins, hats, and even wigs are now for sale. For a small contribution of $200 you can even send in a lock of hair that will be used to construct a paintbrush that may be used to paint the ski jump in Park City.

Canada's Olympic Organization was especially happy at the announcement becuase the mullet is often referred to as the "Canadian Passport." When asked for comment, Canadian Prime Minister Jean Chretien simply stated, "We're gonna kick everyone's ass this year in curling. Last time was a fluke, and all I can say is you Norwegian bitches better be watching your backs."

Olympic Organizers presented tentative plans to have a special appearance by a "very very special musician" to play a song praising America's favorite hair style at the Lighting of the Torch ceremony. Reliable sources are speculating an appearance by either Richard Marx or Billy Ray Cyrus.

Orrin Hatch closed the conference with a heart-felt speech on Olympic Spirit, stating, "The Olympics aren't just a party. Sure, we all come to the big rallies and we all have suites at the big events, but on top of the celebration, the Olympics are serious event. It is this union of the serious and the celebratory that make the Olympics special. Nothing represents this union better than a long, glorious mullet, flowing as freely as the American Flag. God bless the IOC. And the USA."