Man Inspired to Not Do Drugs by Urinal Mat

Omaha, NE - When Jeff Walker arose from his seat at the "Super Smack-down Ultimate Fighting Competition" to void his bladder, he had no idea he was in for a life-changing experience.

"It was like God talkin' to me," said Walker. Walker, having downed several beers and smoked several marijuana cigarettes felt the need to use the restroom at around 7:37 pm. After about a 3 minute wait, Walker stepped up to the urinal, unzipped his pants, and opened the doors of destiny.

"I was just pissin', thinking how funny it was how small your dick gets when it's cold, when I read what it said on the rubber do-hickey in the pisser. The message, printed on a royal-blue Swisher brand urinal mat said, "just say no to drugs." A simple message, but one that touched Mr. Walker.

"I realized then and there that them drugs I were takin' weren't doing me no good. For what I was spendin' on weed I coulda bought me a high-flow cherry-bomb muffler for my '78 Chevy pickup. 'Sides, I heard that stuff makes your package shrink and your tits grow."

A spokesman for Swisher reported that Walker's case is not the first of a urinal mat inspiring an individual to confront substance abuse issues in their life. The reported that they are experimenting with a new urinal mat whose anti-drug message appears when contacted by urine.

Since viewing the mat on Saturday, Walker has had only 6 beers, 3 packs of cigarettes, part of a joint that "was just lyin' around," and sniffed diesel fumes. This is a marked improvement for Walker. Mr. Walker is an active member of the Omaha Mullet Community.