Mr. Mullet's blog

Hello readers, I've been getting some questions related to the etiquette of mullets, that I will address in this issue.

Dear Mr. Mullet - I have been getting a lot of requests to have my picture taken. Sometimes I just don't feel like having my picture taken. How can say this politely?

This is a common question of late, and one I can certainly relate to. The best policy is always a little bit of intimidation. Remember, you're the one with the rockin' hair, and therefore, it's you calling the shots, not Mr. 23 year old I have a digital camera and a website and am thus entitled to take pictures of whosever's hair I feel like it anytime I want. Loud grunting noises, flared nostrils, and an aggressive display such as the administration of a tittie-twister while requesting that the recipient whistle if they wish to take your picture, are all acceptable responses to this ever-increasingly common request.

Dear Mr. Mullet- May I have sex with you? - Bonnie Fallon, Albany, New York

Dear Bonnie - Absolutely not. I am not a piece of meat. I am a human being with feelings and needs. On second thought, yes.

Dear Mr. Mullet - How are you and you mullet reacting to the death of everyones favorite NASCAR man Dale Earnhardt? - Jim, Huntsville, Alabama

Dear Jim - Dale's death hit me and the mullet community at large pretty hard. I remember exactly what I was doing the moment Dale Earnhardt died: I was watching Dale Earnhardt die on television. NASCAR will never be the same. I will never be the same. Mulletdom lost a great hero that day..

And now, my friends, it's time to answer some very frequently asked questions once and for all:

I'm thinking of getting a mullet, but my girl/boyfriend doesn't want me to, what should I do?

If it's going to endanger your getting action, don't do it. Otherwise, go for it.

How long does it take to grow a good mullet?

1,342 days, 4 hours, 3 minutes and 22 seconds. I don't know, numbnuts, everyone's hair grows differently.

I want to grow my pubes into a mullet, is this possible?

Idiots.

Mullets are so dumb. You look like a fag. Mullets are so out of style. Your site is such a waste of time.

Dear Mr. Mullet - Last weekend, we invested in what we've so fondly named the, "Mullet-Cam." We have set off to put together a very complete and descriptive portfolio of our favorite coif: the mullet. However, in our attempt to capture these images, we've found it quite difficult to take pictures of people with the infamous "do" un-noticed.. How can we remain incognito with our Advantix camera and document "the mullet" accurately? - Anonymous, Conway, AR

Dear Friend - Perhaps you need to understand something: the mullet is a badge of honor. Those who wear it are proud to do so. You don't need to hide and sneak around to take pictures of mullets. Any true mullet is more than happy to have his/her/its mullet photographed for posterity. Walk right up to them and ask. Make eye contact. We mullets are eager to please. We might even let you touch the beautiful mullet, if you ask nicely enough.