The fantastic mutations featured in this summer's blockbuster hit-The X-Men may not be too far from the truth. This last Friday the psuedo-scientific organization "Amazing Realities" revealed its latest find in a news conference/freakshow. Dale Lunt, the organization's President, unveiled the child known as Spanky. Lunt described Spanky as the next step in evolution. Lunt explained that, "contrary to the common notion of the mullet as being a step towards de-evolution, Spanky's mullet exhibits rare magnetic properties,' and as he explained, "sticks to most metal surfaces."

The scientific community is puzzled at the phenomenon. Researchers are still posing theories as to why an innocent child would have a mullet in the first place. Hypotheses have been presented that the child was raised by a rare form of retarded* gorillas or that the child's hair is a result of a nefarious Nazi plot to produce super-jerks.

But regardless of its origin, researchers agree that the mullet's properties could be terrifyingly destructive. The mullet was found to attract most forms of metal including: beer cans, Camaros, aluminum wife-beating bats, aerosol spray cans and some forms of non-metallic porno. Furthermore the mullet seems to have other disturbing, anomalous properties. Strangely the same magnetic field that causes the mullet to "stick to most metal surfaces" also repels shirts (Especially in the presence of a COPS camera.) and causes a violent constriction to any wranglers within a 10-meter diameter (Most notably in the crotchal region.)

This new evidence is causing researchers to say that this magnetic mullet may be the key, not to understanding the next evolutional step, but to understanding the fundamental issue of the mullet.

*Retarded is not used here in reference to the mentally handicapped, rather it is used purely in the pejorative sense.